I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
