I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please, let me fuck your mom
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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