So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
should my penis look like a turkey
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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