You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
