He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
