Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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