she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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