My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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