His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
