you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
