you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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