we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
