Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
