I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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