he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish my penis had a tongue
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
