someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
