I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
