I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
