How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
