I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
