uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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