You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
