took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
