38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
