A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
