last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm getting married
To pizza
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
