i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
