drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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