it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
