Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
