fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
