He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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