just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
