don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
