If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
