I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i drank out of a bidet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
