I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
