their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
