either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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