Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
