She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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