I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
3 2 1 whiskey
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
