You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
