i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
COCAINE IS GR8
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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