pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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