Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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