if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
