Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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