I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
