Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
